Be At Peace

The following is found in "The Fruit of Her Hands" by Nancy Wilson, directed towards women, but applying to all Christians. This is in light of The Director's recent post on Wendler Cottage. This is quite helpful and we thank Marion for her summation:

Be at Peace

Nancy Wilson

[Wo]men who want to be at peace with other [wo]men must come to understand the very important difference between principles and methods. A dictionary defines a principle as "a basic truth, general law, or doctrine used as a basis of reasoning or a guide to actions or behavior." A Christian [wo]man must learn to think biblically; [s]he must derive her/his basic principles of living from God's Word. The world eagerly presses its principles regarding marriage and child-rearing upon us. But if we learn to think like Christians, we can discern between worldly and Christian principles.

A method, in contrast, is "a procedure or way of doing something." In other words, we use methods to apply our principles. For example, a sound mothering principle is "All Christian mothers should feed their babies." This principle could easily be substantiated in Scripture, and few, if any, would take issue with such a fundamental principle. In spite of general agreement on this and other related principles, however, much disagreement exists on the method of applying this simple precept. Some women breastfeed their babies; some bottle feed. And of course there is the question of schedule feeding vs. nonschedule feeding, when to wean baby, and so forth.

Within a Christian community, families will certainly share many common principles, but their methods will vary. Sometimes an overzealous allegiance to method will lead to confusion and controversy, for the method of feeding baby can become larger and more important than the principle of feeding baby. Suddenly, pressure is exerted to convince women to join the group and support a particular method.

Of course, this is not an argument that all methods are equal--they are not. Some methods are inferior to others. Rather, the point is that the methods of others are not really our business. If a friend asks for advice on a method, we may of course give it. But when sharing a method, we must remember we are not on a moral crusade.

Young Christian [wo]men are particularly vulnerable to this wrong kind of pressure. When the sisters get together they very naturally "talk shop" about children. This can provide an overzealous type quite an opportunity to apply pressure. If the young women feel inexperienced, a woman with "a strong case" for her method can exert a great influence. The young Christian woman can be made to feel that she isn't really dedicated unless she adopts "the method."

Because every family is a distinct cultural unit, it is good that our methods differ. God did not intend for us to walk in lockstep with one another. This is not altered when some families have inferior methods; we may deem their methods to be unwise. And remember, there are others, wiser than we, who see the inferiority of some of our methods! We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to biblical principles, and rejoice in the variety of methods God's people employ.

If we become overzealous for conformity to our method, strife between Christians will commonly result. I have talked to women who, because they felt strongly about one way of feeding babies, became critical toward their sisters who used a different method. This should not be! "Be at peace among yourselves" (1 Thess. 5:12-13). Certainly the [wo]men of the church ought not to be squabbling about whether or not to schedule feed their babies! Who cares? What someone else does in this regard is no one else's business. It is not a moral issue, and we have no business fighting over it.

We do not honor God if we are critical or defensive. How our friends feed their children is not our concern.

The biggest danger is when people begin to think their own methods of applying biblical principles are the most spiritual, for the really committed. If we fall into this trap, then it becomes an issue of first importance for us. The result is a feeling of superiority over others who differ. This obviously leads to self-righteousness, envy, jealousy, defensiveness, and quarrels.

As we grow in grace, may we all learn to discern the difference between principles and methods, and relax, and keep the peace, when our friends' methods are not our own.

(From A Hedge of Courtesy)

But another aspect to this whole question of different methods needs to be addressed and that is the question of common courtesy. How do we treat our friends when we differ with them over methods? Do we criticize them behind their backs? The Bible calls this backbiting. Do we openly criticize them? Do we tell them their method is inferior to our own? That can be arrogant or just plain rude. Do we make officially "polite" but loaded comments which express our displeasure and disapproval of their application of God's principles? Do we try to embarrass them to make ourselves look better? This is not courtesy.

Can Christians ever discuss their methods? Certainly! But the hedge of courtesy and good manners should be firmly in place. If it is not, defensiveness and hurt feelings will be the common result.

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